SOLITUDE

The glorious sun rises from the horizon

The sky slowly  changes hues

From pitch black it  starts turning crimson

Soon sadness fades and a ray of hope within my heart ensues

I can  hear the birds chirping

I lose myself in the beautiful melody

Suddenly I see myself smiling

All that prevails  now is divine serenity

The flowers start blooming and let

 out an intoxicating fragnance

Bees swarm to suck their nectar

Its like an enchanting romance

I stand amazed and watch like a devout spectator

The trees sway  when the wind blows

The rustling of the leaves is music to my ears

The cows moo in faraway  meadows

They are in a jubilant mood it appears

The ocean waves crashing against the rocks

Break the silence that sorrounds

The blue devil no more mocks

Its sheer euphoria that abounds

Millions of stars twinkling in the sky

Seem to me as prying,blinking eyes

As I stand alone heaving a deep sigh

I find solace  under the starry night this

Loneliness I no more despise

I never went around seeking solitude

Like a soulmate it found me

It  helped me determine my altitude

Soon there was happiness and glee

Of laziness,facebook and inspiration

Ohkay ladies and gentlemen I am back after a brief hiatus(actually after a long hiatus my last post was written long back but posted much later).All of you who have been wondering what I have been upto all this time lemme tell u pretty much nothing. Those of you who have opened this link expecting something interesting and funny(yeah I am proud of my sense of humour and I don’t give a shit if u don’t think that I am funny) to read ,sorry you will be disappointed.I mean how can you expect something even remotely interesting can happen in my monotonous,drab,extremely boring life.

The only good thing that has happened to me in the past few days is that a few more people have started reading my nonsensical blog.The reason being that I have shamelessly put up the link on my facebook profile.whatever be the reason I would like to thank all my fans err….folks for reading and commenting.

This post sadly wont interest you(hey wait don’t go away keep reading u might end up laughing at my miserable life or even find something interesting by the end).

So as u know I am done with my engineering but I am still waiting for the generous and courageous(daad deni padegi mujhe jo le liya ) companies(TCS and tech Mahindra) to send me my doj.

BTW I got recruited by TCS as well but I wont brag about it here because it seems TCS has been struck with a natural calamity(maybe a draught of employees)Otherwise it would not have taken me.

This never ending wait for my doj has made me frustrated,highly pissed and mostly lazy.Yeah I just snatched the title of the laziest animal on earth from the koala bear.My lazy  bones don’t budge from their place these days.I have become so lazy that I didn’t even make proper use of my free sms pack  and before I knew it expired(my friends who actually know me can realize this is the height of laziness for me).So I don’t text anyone these days not even my best friends.I have become so lazy that I don’t even care to read the forward messages that my friends send me.(No I am not mean and I don’t hate you I am just lazy)

All I do these days is facebooking .My  SMS pack has expired but my gprs pack has not.So I keep checking my facebook account to see what everyone else is upto(yeah u got it rite my life is that boring).I take immense pleasure in commenting on the utterly boring SMs.Ofcourse I do appreciate d amazingly funny ones.I think my friend count decreased,someone removed me and I did not even bother to find out who it was.Anyways I know few people might be getting pissed off with my comments.Just FYI I keep getting notifications of people actually liking my comments and that makes me so happy he he.I have noticed one interesting thing there are a few guys who think they are very funny,may be they actually are but if they find someone making a witty comment they just ignore it or say things like thanks mam for taking my class and all such idiotic things.This actually happened with me a guy put up a stupid question as his SM and when I tried answering it he thanked me for taking his class.So I thanked him in return for putting up that question.Then that a guy went a step ahead and put up a SM in Spanish or French which had the words question and comments in it.Obviously I could know it was meant for me but I did not try out find out what it meant.I don’t give a shit to losers like him who suffer from a syndrome known as the “male ego as big as the blue whale”.Anyways this is not so big a deal coz another guy on orkut had d guts to copy my poem from the about me section on my orkut account and pasted it on his.Even when I repeatedly asked him to delete it he did not.(and u thought I was shameless??)

So now I refrain myself from commenting too much.These days I comment mostly on d SMs of my favourite faces on fb.No they are not my best friends they are my favourite bloggers and all of them(Abhinav Bhatt,Ashwin Kumar and Madhuri iyer) have an awesome sense of humour .

Their joint blog shit for tat is probably the funniest and most sarcastic blog I have ever come across(although I haven’t  come across many blogs still,it is amazingly funny).I love them all for taking me on a laugh riot through their posts.I mean I have actually LOLed,ROFLed and LMAOed readin their posts.While my mum thought I was going insane.

Being d sucker that I am for a good,witty sense of humour  how much I try I cant stop myself from commenting on their SMs.I hope they don’t kick me outta their friendlist.you too can read their blogs http://madhuriaries.blogspot.com and http://peter-blogvibes.blogspot.com                                                                      

Abhinav terminated his previous blog and now blogs anonymously  so I wont give away his link.

Hey I finally gave you something interesting eventhough I know you wont ever return to my poor little blog once you start reading theirs.So this sums up what I have been doing all this while.Taking interest in other persons life and ignoring my own.Maybe I am in desparate need of getting inspired.I have become so lazy that I cant even finish reading a novel.I pick up a book read a few pages get bored and pick another one then the same cycle repeats itself.The only book that I could finish recently was Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays with morrie.It is a highly inspiring book about a dying teacher, how he copes with his illness and teaches the important lessons of life to his favourite student during his last days on earth.Sadly it could do little to inspire my jaded soul.Infact nothing seems to inspire me these days not even the “life is a climb” song by miley cyrus which I keep listening and singing throughout the day(now don’t  sneer all you Eminem.linkin park and pink Floyd fans the lyrics of this song are so awesome).All this emptiness is really irritating.I am so angry and disappointed with myself for whiling away my time.I feel like I am losing my goals and my  dreams(so much so that I feel I should change the name of my blog to ranting monologues).All the notifications for d mba entrance exams are out and I have not even checked out any of those on net.I don’t even feel like taking CAT again.Its been ages since I wrote a full fledged poem.All I do is keep rhyming SMs and comment back in a rhyming tone to a rhyming SM(hey!!!dont u dare call me a loser people like it even abhinav d blogging stalwart liked it manyatimes).See I am so lazy  that I did not even try to think of a nice title and copied it from Tuhin Sinha’s book titled “of love,sex and politics”(hey!!!atleast I am honest ). I am happy now that I am upadating my blog eventhough this post does not make any sense at all.I did not even write what I was actually supposed to.I was going to write about my dearest friends but ended up writing this piece of  shit.(but I will write it soon).Now here is what I am going to do I am making a list of five things that I will try doing during the next few days(no I am not a listomaniac but if this is what it takes for me to come outta my laziness I am going to do it)

1.Write posts more frequently,write sensible poems and not mere rhymes.

2.Write a few short stories or think about the novel that I am going to publish in the future

3.Learn cooking

4.Study (yes,its important even after finishing engg)

5.Read good books and the newspaper with concentration(yeah I don’t even read d newspaper properly these days)

Ok this post is not making any sense but its long maybe I am already recovering from my laziness.yaay!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Anyone who had the guts to read the entire post should feel free to comment.You can also suggest some inspiring books,songs(apart from d ones in my playlist most of those are really inspiring just #FYI),blogs,movies or try inspiring me with your wise words.

Lets see if there is any mai ka laal who can actually inspire me.eel like taking CAT again.ice title and copied it from t rhyming SMtions for d mba entrance exams are out and i e i f life

Life time achievement award

Each and everyone of you who is reading this post kindly flatter me with a deafening applause(arey yaar I am requesting no?atleast I can demand this much from you in lieu of my life Ishtory)

Okay cutting the crap now and coming to the point.My 8th sem results are out.Now I am unwillingly and unknowingly an engineer that too with a lifetime achievement award.Wondering what that is??Hold on don’t you want to know how in the world can a 22 year old girl get a lifetime achievement award?Is she going to die??Well the good news or maybe bad news for some I am very much alive and I have no plans of commiting suicide in the near or for that matter in the distant future as well.It’s a lifetime award because the four f******(who knows I might even be having young readers)years of my engineering college life felt like a lifetime.It felt like it would never end but it did and did with a bang(atleast for me).Ohkaaaaaay finally killing the suspense,the award and the big bang in question is a backlog that has been awarded to me in the subject of embedded system.(yes I know I am a shameless girl).Before anyone of you belonging to the the topper league is reading this post(yes I dream a lot why d hell would a nerdy topper waste his/her precious time on this)stops reading this thinking “OMG a backlog I shouldn’t read this it could be a bad omen for me”.Let me tell you this is my first ever and thankfully the last backlog and apparently there is a system called auto clear in BPUT(dats my university)due to which I can clear the exam without even appearing for the test once again and even after that I will be able to retain a respectable CGPA of 8.1(yay!!!beep you to everyone who have been laughing at my misery all this while).Still a back is a back and I take immense pleasure in accepting my award(back).So in my acceptance speech I would like to thank the following people/things(yes,my shamelessness has reached the heights of mt.everest.)

1.Long live BPUT for failing me only once and creating this wonderful system of auto clear.I promise to unjoin the BPUT sucks community on orkut if everything goes well.

2.Thanks to all those guys who always said until and unless you have at least 1 back you haven’t completed your engineering.

3.I thank my parents for their support and for not expressing their disappointment in me.Sorry mummy,papa for letting you down.

4.I thank my friends(the genuine ones) for showing their concern and also others(fake friends)for their sympathy.

5.I thank the cute Bengali HR from tech Mahindra for selecting me because of him my parents are somewhat less worried because atleast there(useless) daughter has a job.

6.Last but not least I would like to thank d almighty,bhagwan,allah,jesus,rab in short each and every existent form of god for he knows I don’t deserve to pass in the other subjects as well but he showered his kindness on me.Like I said in 1 of my previous post I was basking in the glory of getting a job and forgot to study.(refer to my clueless journey so far…all those newbies,yes am again getting into dream mode)

Applause once again please

Ok all said and done you might think I am a very bindaas,chilled out kinda gal.Well am certainly not taking a chill pill right now.I am worried,depressed,angry etc etc.Well there are many downsides of getting a back.Everytime a friend calls you up to sympathise you have to lighten up and behave as if it is not a big deal.There are others who inspite of knowing that you have a back will crib about how they got E in project,viva etc whereas miss topper topped because she got 0 in all d projects.

To top it all I have two siblings and whenever the results are out immediate comparisons start and this time I am the victim whose self esteem is silently being butchered but I am a strong person now.I have learnt to laugh at myself and look at the brighter side of everything(Mr.Robin Sharma would be happy to read this) although the cluelessness still prevails.

Oh god!!!why why did I decide to do engineering.I know you have better work to do than listening to me but I still hope you would guide and help me to do the right thing at the right time.I know you gave me a job but you know I am not fit for it and I don’t even want it.Please god help me to do that which I can give my heart to I promise to put my best efforts.

What you think it has become too senti now good it better be shed some tears for me .You cant get away so easily laughing at my misery.

A very loud beep you to all those who thought I was a padhaku and always taunted before every exam(even the internals),oh you must have studied everything now don’t lie.Yeah rite i studied and failed and you didn’t study and topped.Poor me…I guess I went ghas charne(graze grass,I see foreign visitors on the globe wala widget)when god was distributing brain to everyone.

See now you know my name is Manisha and I am not a padhaku.I agree I was never good at dancing,drawing,sports,singing,debating and all such extra curricular activities but that does not mean I spent four years locked up in my room and immersed myself under a pile of textbooks.You should have taunted me as a time waster coz that is what I did I wasted for fucking years of my life(yes now I don’t care whosoever reads it bachalogs don’t waste your life like me do what your heart says not what others ask you to do)
p.s. i wrote this long back and now all is well my backlog will get skipped BPUT zindabad

POEMS

Aaj Phir...

Aaj Phir kyun yaad aa rahe ho tum


Aaj phir kyun hai hawaon mein woh masti ghum

Aaj phir kyun hai palkon mein yeh nami

Aaj phir kyun mehsus hone lagi tumhari kami

Aaj phir kyun hai Charon taraf gham ke yeh saye

Aaj phir kyun aankhon mein hai aansu aye

Aaj phir kyun Charon taraf hai ajeeb sa sannata

Aaj phir kyun is dil mein hai tumhara hi naam goonjta

Aaj phir kyun dil karta hai ki keh daloon woh ankahee batein

Kate maine kaise woh din aur dard bhari raten

Aaj phir kyun mar jaane ko dil chahta hai

Aaj phir kyun yeh dil kisike yaad mein tadapta hai

Aaj phir kyun sochne laga yeh mann bawra

Kya pyar mein aisa hi hota hai…???



Thoughts in solitude....

    She cried herself to sleep

Afraid someone might see her weep

      She tried to sleep….

But all she could do was toss and turn

          In her bed

Coz it was difficult to bear the

     Turmoil in her head



Somehow she went to sleep

    And saw a nightmare

   Which made her ponder

Why cant life be a little more fair



She bore all the pain in her heart

And wondered why is it that people

      Meet and depart



She listened to all her friends’ woes

And thought why the pain never goes



She sought peace and solace

Trying to keep up with the

       hectic life’s pace

She tried to escape this mess

       And runaway

She wanted an escapade

      And a getaway



She tried to be among people

  Making merry so that

  She too could be happy

She was shattered to realize

No one noticed her own misery



She longed for some one to comfort her

She longed for someone to wipe away

            Her tears



    She walked in the rain

Because no one would know if

She smiled or fought back her tears

       And winced in pain…

p.s. I know these are really senti poems but not written on account of any personal experience.
I didn’t get dumped and I am not desparately looking for love.Nothing is wrong with my dear heart its beating at its usual rate.Just wanted to show off my poetic err….rhyming skills but I promise to improve in my next posts.Untill then bear this emotional attayachar

HUMTUM(boys Vs girls)

Boys and girls are poles apart not just in their appearance but in their mindset as well.They are complete opposites.But the saying goes opposites attract”Maybe that’s why they are in awe of each other their differences is what attracts them to each other.However this doesn’t hold completely true anymore

(no offense to the gays and lesbians).So here’s some points(worth to be noted) I have noticed between a boy and a girl.

I will try to be neutral so as not to offend my male readers.yes main gita pe haath rakh ke kasam khati hoon jo kahungi sach kahungi sach ke siva kuch nahin kahungi(the drama queen in me is waking up)

1.Guys are extremely easy going.They can play computer games till 4 in the morning even when there is an end sem xam at 8 and nobody at home knows that their lad has an exam.
Girls on the other hand get super hyper on the night before exam and everyone papa,mummy,dada,dadi,mama,mami maybe even the doggie of the house knows that the ladli beti of the house has an exam even if its just an internal.

2.Guys have got xrays in their eyes and girls have got microscope.
Guys see a passing by girl’s face first then the eyes go down stay there for sometime,move up again to see the face.end of story.
A girl can notice thousand things about a girl/guy passing by right from clothes,to shoes,bags,accessories,maybe even the nail paint.

3.Guys can date dim witted hotties but girls want their guy to be perfect in all respect.

4.Guys claim that girls want all the attention in the world.Now its you who does the chane ke jhaad pe chadana and all that crap about I can do anything for you and when the girl gets pataoed u would rather be with your buddies watching silly matches than with your so called “love of life”.

5.Guys need their space and girls don’t understand that.I mean stop dragging your bf everywhere you go atleast not when you have to go nail paint shopping.

6.Guys are extremely flirtatious and its not good to hit on your gf’s best friend.A girl can also indulge in healthy flirting now and then but she would not dare to hit on her bf’s best friend.

7.Guys can shut you up in your face if you go on blabbering about a new style of dress that is in the stores,new brand of shoes etc.

Girls listen to a guy’s endless chatter about a new gadget,a new computer game and all such nonsensical things even if they don’t care about it.

8.Girls think a lot before entering into a relationship.Guys don’t think at all.

That’s because a girl intends to keep it whereas guys are just awara panchis shifting their nests from one tree (girl) to another(girl..maybe sometimes a guy).

9.Guys always make the first move ever so ready to make a proposal overcoming all fear of rejection and girls sometimes take immense pleasure in rejecting the guys not even considering them for once.Spare the poor guys and shed your ego girls

10.Guys get easily bored of their gfs in case a relationship lasts a little longer than the usual few weeks or a month at best inspite of the girls putting in their best efforts trying to look good going to the parlour everyday.Girls can see their bfs in the same old jersey and jeans and listen to their bullshit for days without getting bored.

P.S. I have written good and bad points for both boys and girls.You cant blame me for favouring girls.

So stop fighting over who is good and who is bad.We are different from each other and that is how god intended it to be.Live in harmony and let us spread love around….

A funny phony incident

This was the only interesting that happened last week coz I absolutely did nothing(which has become a routine these days) apart from watching eclipse(boring….yeah am a gal but I don’t drool over Robert Patterson he looks like an albino) and knight and day which btw was super duper boring. Now I looove Tom Cruise but a film’s got to have a good script.There was nothing in this film except for crazy car chases.So this incident was worth posting.

Few days back I got a text message from an unknown number.It said “ who do you think you are?mind your tongue or I will screw you real bad” and some such nonsensical stuff.So I chose to ignore it thinking someone must have sent it by mistake or someone is intentionally trying to mess with me.The next day I got another text from the same number which said “after whatever you said to me its over just don’t talk with me ever again” and I was like wat did I say I don’t even have your number saved. That was it I asked one of my friend DU* if he knew the number.He said he didn’t know and asked me what happened.I told him the whole story and he made a call to that number to know who he was.To my relief he was a guy called sourav and he was sending those messages to his gf which got sent to me by mistake.You know how people delete their bf’s/gf’s number after a big fight and then type the whole damn thing to send a message or make a call(what is the point then,losers???).Here is the exchange of messages that occurred after that between me,sourav and DU

Sourav to me:hey sorry I was sending those messages to my gf but it got sent to you because of some mistake while typing the number.

Me to sourav:dats alrite I should have asked you yesterday but I thought someone is upto some kinda mischief so I ignored it.

Sourav to me:yeah u should have told me yesterday.Its ok I understand sometimes its better to ignore calls and texts from unknown nos…and a guy called me up to enquire tell him sorry too.btw I am sourav I joined infy few days back.what do you do?

Me(thinking):hmm infy (gr88 so what is there to show off like u climbed mt.everest)

Me to DU:forwarding the message from sourav to let him know he was sorry.

DU to me:ok forgive him,poor guy.

Me to sourav:Dats alrite. I have completed my btech and I got placed at techm.

Souarav to me:techm wow dats a gud company I passed out from ceb which college did you go to?

Me to sourab:your neighbouring college tat(the flirt in me waking up).

Me( thinking):what if he believes too much in the saying love thy neighbour…

Sourav to me:tat gud .so close to ours btw can I know your name?

Me to DU:see,your poor guy has started my enquiry now

DU to me:enjoy the attention while it lasts.

Me(thinking):should I tell him my real name.no sita,no rita,no gita shit man…….i cant even think of a nice name

Me to sourav:manisha(I am so much in love with my name that I cant even think of any other)

Sourav to me:manisha is such a good name now dat u know I broke up with my gf.

Me(grinning uncontrollably and thiking):how come u find everything about me so good.Good college,good job,good name.

Me to DU:forwarding sourav’s message with an added ha ha ha ha….

DU to me:bechara devdas lost his paro toh tryin to get over her by talking to you.

Me to DU:waaaat am I some kind of chandramukhi to do timepass with devdas.

Me(thinking):what the heck one should take proper fayda of d free messaging schemes

Me to sourav:oh am so sorry about your break up.I hope things work out between you two.

Sourav to me:no need of things working out dat was a bye bye forever.

Me(thinking):so…you trying to hook up with me or wat??

Me to sourav:ok then I hope you find someone way better than her.I am sure there is no dearth of good girls at infy.

Sourav to me:No there is not but all of them have prior attachments.Iwill have to find someone who is not available nothing serious this time.no offense but girls cheat.btw the guy who called is he ur bf or bro.He talked very politely no bashing.

Me(thinking): OMG OMG OMG !!!nothing serious means you will flirt with any random girl over phone or what u filthy pig like you haven’t ever cheated on anyone.

Me to Sourav:He is 1 of my best friend bro would have bashed you that’s why I asked him.and just so that you know you got cheated by a girl,somewhere else a girl would have got cheated as well.These things happen all the time.

Sourav to me:ya u are rite its just that this thing has taken a toll on me.Btw do have a bf just beware of him

Me(grinning like anything):Now you are coming to the point.

Me to Sourav:ha ha ha I have been single all throughout my life.Had a number of crushes nothing more than that.

Sourav to me:See dats why u are laughing and I am sad its good not to be serious about these things.it was nice talking to you.

Me to Sourav (with hurting fingers from all that typing):gud talking to you .happy stay at mysore.hope you find someone soon(like I care)

Sourav to me:ha ha I thought I wont be able to make a fool out of you but I was wrong.This is my new reliance(ambanis should pay me for advertising this).DU

Me(laughing ):shit shit shit I got bajaoed so badly this is so embarrassing.

Me to DU:idiot,dog,donkey,monkey didn’t you get anyone else for making a bakra

So this is how my phony incident came to an end.Now stop laughing at my misery.I am damn sure someone sometime must have screwed your happiness with his/her silly pranks.

Ps:*I would be using code words for real world people which can be random letters from their name maybe even nick name or names that I have kept for them.So questions regarding who is who wont at all be entertained.

Today's bachalogs..

I dont have anything to do these days other than watching tv,surfing the net and blogging.So my mum is dragging me to my mausi's place(maternal aunt) every evening.She asks me to teach my cousin sisters she says gyan bantne se badhta hai(mum dat is such a lame xcuse to see your sister .i know you are going to miss her when we move so just say it)
My cousin sisters studies in class 10th and class 4th.I am not writing their names just in case they ever read this they would kill me.So i am naming them G and N.
So i go there to help them with their studies.The one in class 10th(G) asks me to solve some maths problems and then copies them in her notebook.I dont know if she really understands or simply pretends.The one in
std 4th(N)tries really hard but she keeps on forgetting things.This goes on for just about 20 minutes after which they start filling me in with their candid class gossip.G is a teenager so she tells me about all her crushes,and cute senior dancer guys.She even had a boyfriend and later broke up with him because he was two timing her.(Ghosh!!!what is the world coming to..)She even says there is a drug addict in her class(now thats too much of info to handle).She always talks about a certain biology teacher who has a habit of cracking naughty jokes(if u know what i mean!!).That reminds me of my school days when everyone's hormone level shot up and there were lots of shouting,howling and giggles when we were going to be taught the reproduction chapter in our bio class and all that our teacher did was show few slides and said you people know everything you can study on your own.I could not stop myself from laughing,the expression on his face was something to look at.So when G talks about her biology teacher i am amused.She keeps on cribbing about the lack of good looking guys and the abundance of rowdy guys in her class.Yet she says being single is the coolest thing it spares us from the emotional attayachar but the half hearted tone in her voice says it all.So far so good i can identify with her and understand her feelings.I too went through the same phase of life once.But i got the shock of my life when my cute little sister N started telling me what goes on in her class.She said that the couples(yes dats the word she used)sit together holding hands inside the class and blow flying kisses to each other.Even i had my share of crushes during those early years but to see my little sis talk about these things was horrifying.Apart from this class gossip i have noticed many behavourial differences when i compare their life with my schooldays.Like for example even N who is in the 4th std is very particular about her looks and attire always knowing what to match with what.She has a friend called Dolisha(this is real) who apparently carries a make up box with her wherever she goes.(OMG).No wonder N sulked and cried when i didnt get her the lip gloss she wanted.For a girl like me who has not even dated a single guy in 21 years and hardly ever put on make up these were shocking revelations about todays bachalogs i wonder where did all the innocence go???

P.S. G and N dont be mad at me if u ever find this out.I must tell both of u sud be glad your life is way more happening than mine and i am letting the world know about this(i mean the few people who read my blogs)

The Clueless journey so far...

Every time i see the about me section in a social networking site i just go completely blank in my mind.I dont know wat to write about myself.So i think the word that best describes me is clueless.Today is one of those days when nothing seems right and everything is out of place.Today i heard the oft-repeated statement by my brother for the umpteenth time,which is "how the hell did u become an engineer" also" you dont even know this and you call yourself an engineer "blah blah blah......for a stupid thing that i did which i dont even want to mention but it cost me 200 bucks and a headache and a legache as well.Now go figure...This conversation made me reflect back on my life and i realised that i have always been like this always confused,always without a clue and i still am.Whether its about the choice of study,career,relationships i just dont seem to have a clue and just cant think straight ever.When i was a little girl i wanted to become a doctor.Then in std 5 when kalpana chawla was all over the news i wanted to become an astronaut.When i was growing up my mum used to tell me a lot of things about my grandfather who was a lawyer.He was a man of principles always in a pensive mood immersed in deep thoughts sitting in his chamber.I wrote my first ever letter to him at that time i wanted to become a lawyer just like him.later on in class 9th my best friend used to draw little sketches of dresses.She wanted to become a fashion designer and i got fascinated by it too eventhough i am terrible at drawing.later on barkha dutt inspired me.I wanted to become a reporter.I wanted to report news from places of war.I wanted to reach out to people make their voices heard.By the time i finished my 10th.I had completely run out of options.I could have taken arts but then i felt the only subject that i could take up in arts was english there was no way i could study any other subjects in arts.I hated maths the most untill std 9th.I got an amazing maths tution sir who actually helped me improve my maths so much so that i got 97(cud have scored 100 had it not been for my calculation mistake) in maths in my 10th board and my parent couldnt believe it especially my mum.She still kept on advising me to take up arts may be because i am the least intelligent child in my family.So just to prove her wrong i took up science.Those last two years of 11th and 12th in my school were the darkest years of my life i went into a cocoon,depressed all the time.In 12th i immersed myself completely in books in preparation for the 12th board.By that time i had stopped thinking about what to do with my life.I had two options either engg or medical.So i decided to do engg but never prepared for the entrance.As a consequence of which i landed up at trident academy of technology,my alma mater.I was never serious about my studies during these four years except for the 2nd sem after which my grades either went down or remained constant.During the final year i knew i had to do mba and not just any stereotype mba in finance but mba in advertising management or marketing(ads fascinated me a lot)I did not want a career in the software field.So i enrolled myself at IMS but never studied seriously,never gave my best shot.I spent thousands of money on various exam forms(oh god why do they have to charge so much for those bloody forms,screw the system!!!).kept on appearing the exams ,kept on failing...
Then came the final frontier the campus recruitment season during the last sem of engg.I appeared a string of off campuses got rejected in all of them mostly because of my zilch technical knowledge,partly because i was reluctant to join an IT company.
Then i realised after four years of btech i will have to prove somthing to my parents so i studied a little bit boosted my self esteem and appeared for the first on campus in our college.Thank god i had a rehearsed answer for the basic question in any interview which is tell me something about yourself (imagine getting tongue tied at that but then we were taught a certain pattern to answer this question so thankfully i could answer that easily ).But to my horror i forgot the names of the subjects i had in the previous sem.(blame it on my poor memory or the boring subjects whatever..)Somehow mr oldie selected me and i went for the 2nd interview which was with a cute bengali HR.I started harping on how much i liked kolkatta because it still has this old world charm about it and how much i enjoyed the four years of my life there and he seemed pretty amused(i knew i had hit the bull's eye)Then he started the round of technical questions and immediately knew that i dont know a thing(damn!!).Still he asked me to tell me the fav topics of my fav sub(ya he was a kind soul).So i told him the few chapters of the only subject that i had studied and i could convince him with my answers.Finally i got selected.(phew!!).
While basking in this glory i forgot to study for my final sems and it is scaring the hell out of me to even think about the results.I just hope i pass in all the subjects.
All said and done now when engg is over and i have a job i am still clueless.Writing is what is keeping me alive and kicking these days and i want to become an author and publish my own book..
So this has been my clueless journey so far and i am completely clueless about what awaits me next.......maybe thats the beauty of life unfolding the future and venturing into the unknown....

LOST IDENTITIES

Its been days since my last post.Well i had nothing to blog about.yesterday i got into a discussion with a friend about how the world is full of hypocrites.That really made me wonder how all of us are losing our own identities.People often pretend to be some one they are not.We do this for various reasons.Guys do this to impress girls and vice versa.people at their workplace are turning into sycophants instead of being truly sincere.This might help them to attain few immediate goals that they are seeking but in the long run sycophants end up conflicting their own ideologies.There is so much of flattery all around.For an instance if a friend who is obese comes out wearing a dress which is a size smaller for her and asks us "how do i look?"what do we do?we tell her in a very convincing manner "dear that dress looks great on you".What we dont realise is that the same friend whom we lied so as not to hurt her feelings ends up becoming the laughing
stock of the town.People never speak the truth the way it is just to please the other person or to get something done for themselves.people are becoming highly pretentious.I have seen people visiting temples just because others around them do so and i find it very lame and dumb.I have always believed idol worship is not the real way to connect to god.People do this just because it is considered virtuous.There are as many as seven sins and to pretend that one is completely virtuous and godly without any sin is completely insane.We are born to commit sins and make mistakes that is how god intended it to be.We make mistakes so that we learn.So instead of hiding our shortcomings we should try to overcome it and who knows people around us might help us do the same.
People often try to ape celebrities or for that matter even their influential or more popular friends.people follow fashion trends like crazy.They hardly ever give it a thought to what actually looks good on them.
The best exampleof this prententious nature is when people speak with a funny accent just to sound cool.What they actually end up doing is making a fool out of themselves.Every one in this world is unique in his/her own way.
We need to maintain our idiosyncrasies.Only when people accept you for who you are ,you realise your real worth.Individuality is the word of  todays time.You would never know who loved you truly if you keep on pretending to be someone else.So just be yourself and accept people for who they really are.

HOW FAR CAN ONE GO???

Saw this movie unthinkable and it shook me up to such an extent that i could not stop myself from blogging about it.Released in nov 2009 starring Samuel L. Jackson,Michael Sheen and Carrie-Anne Moss.This film
is about an american muslim man yusuf who claims to have nuclear bombs planted in 3 U.S. cities.He gets
himself arrested deliberately and what follows is the tortorous interrogation by Henry Harold Humphries aka 'H',(samuel).Also involved is Special Agent Helen Brody of the FBI who initially strongly disapproves of the
methods 'H' uses. At the same time, Broody's team tries to determine the locations of the bombs using other
information.H resorts to completely gross and inhumane methods to make yusuf speak.He straps him to
a chair and chops off his finger.This makes agent broody question his barbaric methods but he has the
approval of higher authority.Broody on the other hand tries to take yosuf into confidence by reminding him
how his wife and children would suffer because of his misdeeds.yusuf is adamant and says he is prepared
and would do anything in the name of jihad.On further torture yosuf misleads broody which leads to detonation of a bomb at a shopping mall killing 53 people.Agent Brody, angry with the incident, takes a knife
and cuts Yusuf's chest. He is disgusted by this act and starts crying over Agent Broody that why she cares of
those 53 people and doesn't care of those 53 that Americans kill in Iraq everyday.Now H brings in yusuf's wife and makes her question him.Still incapable of getting any information from yusuf, H slashes yusuf's wife's throat in front of yusuf.Even now yusuf is not willing to cooperate so H does the unthinkable.He brings in yusuf's children but promises not to harm them.yusuf is made to believe otherwise so he gives up and gives the exact location of the bombs.This however does not stop H he advances to harm the children coz he believes there is a fourth bomb.Other officials stop him from doing so.Out of frustration H releases yusuf.yusuf then catches hold of a gun and shoots himself.The FBI agents then disarm the bombs but the camera then pans to reveal a fourth bomb in the same warehouse as it counts down to the time it is set to explode.This movie made me wonder at the intricacies of the human mind.I hated H when he tormented yusuf with his unthinkable tactics but then all of this seemed just and right when it is shown that yusuf is adamant and can kill in the name of allah.Jihad essentially means striving to live a moral and virtuous life and defending
Islam as well as fighting injustice and oppression.This does not entitle anyone to kill people in the name of jihad but this is what we see happening today.young minds are being indoctrinated with this concept leading to warfare.When agent broody tries to comfort yusuf with a soft voice and makes him understand that he is commiting a sin and not any kind of religeous duty it seems as if yusuf wud now speak instead he misleads her and then feels relieved on hearing that 53 people were killed as he believes he has sought revenge of the 53 islamic people that americans killed everyday.Now when H again resorts to the unthinkable and tortures yusuf's wife and children without even a hint of hesitation on his face i was shaken.how far can the interragators go in tormenting the accused(they are human beings afterall).Now when yusuf reveals the location and kills himself it made me think how far can the terrorists go killing innocent people,watching their wives and children getting tormented and then killing themselves.Atlast when the camera pans to show the fourth bomb all i could do was gape.I was dumbfounded at how cruel can a human being be.Eventhough it was just a film the current scenario is very much similar to the story.All these warfares in the name of religion and justice result in nothing but innumerable innocents being killed.It is said love alone rules everything then why this hatred.

We need to learn to love people and let peace prevail...

Bucket list

I was thinking a little too much about what to write in my next blog.I can not always go on with the philosophical stuff and my own life has just become a wee bit monotonous and drab.So i can't post
anything about my own personal life(considering the fact that i am still in need of few more followers).
Then I started making a list of what possibly could be the potential issues that i can blog about.While i was making this silly little list my mind wandered towards the number of movies made on making lists,
Bucket list,10 items or less and bollywood's own Dasvidaniya.All these movies were really great and inspirational.So i thought why not make my own set of lists.You know how people always make a list of the items they need before going to the groccery store just so that they don't forget to get any item.In the bigger picture of life all of us have innumerable passionate,burning,and sometimes completely crazy desires.Not all of us get a chance to fulfill all our desires.Some get too busy with their responsibilities and duties.Few others try but fail but many of us don't even give it a try and there are others who don't even have a clear idea of what they want from their lives(i kinda fall in this category).So voila!! here i am blogging about my own bucket list coz when you have a list of what you want from life,you have a vision which will constantly drive you towards achieving your goals and fulfilling all your dreams and desires.




Ten things that i simply love


1.Music(i can like any kind of music depending on my mood and music definitely lifts up my mood)




2.Movies(some movies inspire me,some make me laugh,some make me cry,once in a while comes out a movie that i just fall in love with)




3.Books(i am not talking about textbooks here i love books that you can't just put down once you start reading.Books teach a lot.People say diamonds are a girl's best friend.Well i am a girl and books are my best friend)

4.Good food(it has to be spicy!!!)


5.chocolate(if it's the food of the god,i am a mere mortal chocolate surely is divine for me)


6.a starry sky with a full moon(there can't be anything more romantic than this)


7.snowfall(although i am yet to witness one myself i love it when they show snowfall in the movies)


8.rainfall(There's nothing like the first downpour and the way the earth smells when it rains for the first time after the scorching summer)


9.a child's laughter(when we are infants we are ignorant of the ways of the world there is nothing that we know and this innocence when i see in a child's laughter makes me wanna become a child all over again)


10.Humour(laughing is the best therapy and i love it when somone makes me laugh with good,witty,humour)


p.s. i didn't include family,friends etc coz they are not things they are an inseparable part of our lives






Ten things i hate the most


1.Hypocrites(for me these kind of people are worse than the biggest criminals or sinners)


2.Terrorism(i am no preacher but i know any religion doesn't teach to kill in order to attain salvation)


3.Arrogance(i hate people who have an air of self importance around themselves and demean everyone else around them)


4.Backstabbing(yes it hurts a lot when people you once trusted stab you in the back)


5.Infidelity(for some people its a culture,a way of life for me this is unacceptable when you love someone you are supposed to be loyal to them)


6.people who have a habit of making a mountain out of a molehill(i got to say this more than people its the news channel that are doing this these days i mean we have so many issues to deal with and all that they are showing is celebrity break ups and hook ups)


7.over the top movies with baseless scripts(yes i cant tolerate such movies which actually make me think come on i could have written a better script than this piece of mindless drama)






8.smokers(they are killing themselves and they are killing us since even passive smoking is highly injurious)






9.Drug peddlers(addicts need to go to rehab but before that these people need to go behind the bars)






10.people throwing stones and kicking the stray dogs(like they don't have anything better to do i mean go get a life,coz the dogs they do have a life)




now this is the ultimate one my own bucket list it gets real crazy now but then our heart's deepest desires are meant to be like that




10 things i want to do before i die






1.learn to play the guitar maybe even the piano(i always wanted to learn to play a musical instrument its the best way to unwind oneself)


2.publish my own book(i would even love to pursue writing as a part time career)


3.go sky diving,bungee jumping(the thrill and rush that it gives is amazing)


4.visit the 7 wonders of the world and many more places(practically the whole world)


5.serenade the one i would fall in love with(yes i always have these romantic ideas at the back of my mind and this is partly the reason i want to learn to play the guitar wish i had a great voice to back it up)




6.go scuba diving(the world beneath the ocean is wonderful)




7.learn to do the waltz(i have got two left feet and i think this is the only danceform i can manage if someone taught me how to do it and it is very romantic as well)


8.fly in a hot air ballon(i never felt like flying whenever i travelled by aeroplane i mean you cant even take your hands out the damn windows)


9.Do something for the needy and the homeless(these people need our love not our pity)


10.Learn a foreign language preferrably french(i find this utterly romantic as well)


Now that i have made my own list atleast i know what i want from my life and i am raring to go.

The cheerfulness in the smile

of a child i see

The happiness i experience on

seeing a blooming flower

and the contentment of watching

the rain shower

The elation of walking on

the wet grass

and seeing dewdrops on glass

The euphoria of sitting in solitude

and eating your favourite muffin

truly can be compared to nothing

The tranquility of watching the

sunset and sunrise

somehow makes me a little more wise

The joy of giving

to the people who have to

beg for a living

The enchantment of gazing at

the starry sky and the still moon

and the gladness of being able to

catch that much needed siesta in the afternoon

The affection in the wagging

of my dog's tail makes me

pat him without fail

often i wonder how these simple

pleasures of life

truly make it worthwhile

People in this dog-eat-dog world are getting entangled in the cobwebs of responsibilities and duties.

We are constantly trying to keep up with the so called norms of the society.Students face peer pressure and feel their world will come to an end if they don't get the new gadget that their friend just bought.

Young girls starve themselves to death to acquire that hourglass figure of models on glossy cover of fashion magazines.They make it a point to add every new gucci bag,jimmy choo shoe and prada dress in the stores to their wardrobe before everyone else.

People at work face stiff competition and slog 24*7 in their suffocating cubicles.

In this hustle and bustle of keeping up we forget to give some time to our own jaded mind and restless soul.

How many of us actually spend the early morning with just a hot cuppa of freshly brewed coffee in our hands with nothing else to do and nothing else to worry about.I am sure there would be very few,if any who can say that they do this.

We either switch on the television to catch the morning news or the repeat telecast of the daily soap that we missed the night before or flip through the newspaper worrying about the falling stock shares,inflation,increasing crime rate in the city so on and so forth.

I dont deny that these are issues to be pondered upon but i do feel the first few minutes in the morning should be just for one's own self to enrich our own mind.

There was a time when people enjoyed walking on wet grass the distance of the journey hardly bothered them the sheer pleasure of holding hands and walking kept them on the go.

Now they drive their car to the nearest grocery store which is just a few steps away.I find this very ironical when people first drive to the nearest park and then get down on their foot for a morning jog.

We have forgotten the warmth of a sweet,lingerging,real conversation with a friend instead we choose to spend hours on facebook,orkut,twitter and other such social networking sites within the comforts of the four walls of our house.

when was the last time you gazed at the sky filled with zillions of stars,stared at the ever romantic moon and thought about your beloved(i am damn sure not in this century).

we have forgotten to enjoy the relief and pleasure of that first downpour and the smell of the wet earth instead we choose to snuggle up within a blanket and waste a rainy day sleeping.

What i see these days is the death of romanticism and it disappoints me a lot.

If people start enjoying these simple pleasures of life from time to time they would be much more happy.

So people give importance to your work and duties but do not forget to take a few escapades,do a waltz in the rain,freak out and as they say just take a chill pill.

Happiness-a state of mind

what better way to start my blog with,the greatest feeling in the universe happiness.Hapiness holds different meanings to different people.For the poor its little money that can buy them food.For the rich well,it's more money.For some its the love that they find in their beloved's arms for others its the affection they see in their mother's eyes.As for me i am a staunch believer of the saying happiness is like a butterfly the more you chase it the more it will elude you,i know it sounds cliched but its true.Afer watching a lot of movies relating to this and reading a lot of self-help books(yeah i do that!!) i came to realise that happiness is nothing but a state of mind.We are as happy or as sad as we think ourselves to be.people with no money can still try to be happy and thank god for they are alive and can work towards earning money.For god helps those who help themselves.Even people who go on cribbing about the lack of love in their lives and claim that they are lonely can be happy.As a moment spent in solitude and self contemplation gives more happiness than a lifetime spent with bad company.Its all about what goes on in your mind.Numerous thoughts flow through our mind each and every second.Its the quality of these thoughts that determine our state of being.The bookThe Monk who sold his ferrari taught me a lot in this regard(Its a great book and i strongly reccomend it to those who have not read it)Mr.Robin Sharma rightly says that enlightenment comes through the consistent cultivation of your mind,body and soul and as written in the book not just happiness but everything that we feel and do has a direct connection with our mind.Even the feeling of exhaustion can be linked to our mind.We are as exhausted or as energetic as we think.We can choose to be the masters or slaves to our mind.The choice is in our hands so lets resolve to master our own minds and make every moment of our life joyful and worth living.